Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Flawless Tactics

Mitt Romney, asshole that he is, is now campaigning to run our fine, disintigrating country.


I'll keep this short.

The man, a chiseled movie-star-looking windbag of a politician, is up against some tall odds. For starters, he's a conservative coming out of deep hibernation in the grungy leftist cave that is Massachusetts. But ah, the man is so publically digestible, he's a publicist's dream: a friendly, smiling, family-man caught in the grips of complete political reinvention. Also, he's a Mormon, although I'm not entirely sure how that will play into all of this, except for liklihood of right-wing-friendly religio-politics. That certainly doesn't present a problem when your campaign base is in...

...South Carolina. So Mitt's in the ol' SC, and I imagine his plunge into right-wing national politics as sort of a supreme-dickwad-vision-quest. In the end I suppose he'll come out looking like a "compassionate conservative" -- not too dumb, not too smart, and the kind of guy you'd like to have a beer with.

There's a reason that a guy you'd like to have a beer with (Governator excluded) should probably not be elected to high office: he's probably drunk.

Anyway, Mitt's in SC, and his reinvention would scream insincerity and horse poo if it were not for the brilliant political reporting of Fox News: "Mitt Romney was in South Carolina campaigning this week for the important Southern vote, blah blah, vapid story, pause; his reason for being in town? A chili cook-off!"

Sounds like the kind of guy you'd like to have a beer with, eh? Damn, chili cook-offs are sweet. What a great parting thought...

...also, his campaign and publicists are stationed right down the street running their famous, annual Bullshit Cook-off.

I swear, if you dug up Joseph Goebbels and jammed his rotting corpse into a particle accelerator or something and set all the dials just right, out would pop Fox News, the many-headed propaganda monster disguised as a friendly news station for thrill-seeking, retard Americans.


Cadbury has this thing called the Moro Bar.

I don't know what's in it, but it tastes like crack.

Thursday, November 1, 2007


Holler at your new blog.