Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Romney Update

For some reason, the most interesting part of this year's elections for me is consistent development of a long-forgone conclusion:

Mitt Romney is a complete and total ass.

CNN ran earlier this morning a little bit of a speech he gave contrasting himself favorably with John McCain. It amounted to a 15-second-ish laundry list of disparate votes they each took, each entry of which was like a virtual tick on the checklist of Why Mitt Romney is an Offensively Backwards Chump-ass Fool.

The top 5 that Romney was really proud of, complete with snippy remarks:

1) McCain opposed drilling for oil. (Romney did not!)
* Yes, screw McCain and screw finite resources, too! Drill the shit out of those fossil fuels before they (gasp!) run out forever. Clearly more effective than researching alternatives.

2) McCain opposed tax cuts for the wealthy. (Romeny supported them!)
* Come on, this is America. If the rich, white guy who's never once looked prejudice in the face can't get richer, then who can?!

3) McCain opposed the amendment that would define marriage as a union between a man and a woman. (Can it, Mormon.)
* Welcome to 21st century America, where in addition to socially persecuting you for being gay, we'll make extra-special certain that you get to feel the cold, hard dick of legal injustice, too!

Really, marriage is a joke. It's just as easy to get out of as it is to get into, and its main purpose in current society is a fat tax break. Amending the Constitution to ban homarriage (you heard it here first) is nothing more than bigotry. It's an absolute abuse of the Constitution's dynamics, and just the kind of bullshit moral parading that people in high office should be shamed for doing.

Moving on.

4) McCain supported embryonic stem cell research.
* This one is a little touchier, so I'll be gentle about it. Fuck Romney, fuck Bush, fuck this entire debate. If you can eat eggs, you can harvest precious cells from the unborn, and if you can mass-murder civilians on a political Jihad, then playing god is already fair game. Oh look, no issue anymore!

5) McCain supported amnesty for illegal aliens.
* Ok, so there are fair points to be made from both sides of this one, and I offer the following in bullet-form so as to avoid the stylistic choice of overly verbose diction that has at times in the past become not uncommon for me to use while writing. In no particular order:

- Immigration has vastly different effects from state to state.
- If you can get someone to trim your petunias for $3/hour, go nuts. Same goes for vineyards and vinyl siding.
- Land of promise, my ass.
- Only in this country can denying amnesty for anyone regarding anything be politically beneficial.
- Ok, that's probably a lie, but I still find it pretty abhorrent.

My advice: grant federal amnesty, then let the states decide what to do for themselves. That is why we have a multi-tiered form of government, no?

Oh, that reminds me, John Edwards doin' it wrong, and here's how --

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