Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Easter!

100 points to Julia for the following, as we sat down in the car to go grab eggs and candy:

Me: Hmm... maybe we should put on some Easter music?
Julia: What, like Lamb of God?

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Lucky Lucky

First of all, St. Patrick's Day, oh, how mixed my feelings are for you... it's like, ok, sure, I'll start drinking at 5 or whatever, and I do think that with all the people we celebrate on our annual, federal holiday schedule -- MLK, George Washington, Veterans, Dead Veterans, The Working Man, Columbus (mmm...genocide), Jesus -- we might as well add Drunks. After all, drunk people are (at any given time) a substantial societal constituency.

And really, I know it sounds like a joke, but I'm dead serious -- drinking is pivotal to this society and much of the rest of the world. Booze is what human beings, as a species, have chosen as an acceptable, leisure-time drug, and we use the hell out of it, so we might as well celebrate it.

On the other hand, St. Patrick's day is truly celebrating the bringing of Christianity to Ireland and the clover represents the holy trinity, so really... it's just a 250-year old Americanized bastardization of a holiday celebrating something that happened 1700 years ago, far away, with a church. Which makes getting hammered and celebrating the City of Boston a pretty hilarious way to celebrate it.

Or in my case, drinking like, 4 beers and watching a basketball game. At home. In my sweatpants. It was awesome.


Topic 2: Lucky Charms. Bought a box, had a bowl, and I swear to St. Patrick they've tipped the marshmallow ratio. It's's like the box was assembled by that same fat kid who always sniped the M&M's out of your trailmix. I'm talking multiple marshmallows per spoonful. Almost too sweet, but really just kind of great.

Thursday, March 6, 2008


Ok, so I've set up a Technorati Profile...c'mon, visibility...

On a lighter note, a pork chop recipe!

Spice Rub:
Minced garlic

Breading materials:
Egg (2?)
Bread crumbs

Pork chops
Sweet potatoes
Bacon (thicker and smokier = better)
Mascarpone (optional)

Whatchu gon' do:
1) Chop and fry some bacon (the start of all great recipes)
2) Your potatoes -- cut 'em, boil 'em, mash 'em. During the mashing process, add the chopped bacon, some butter (to taste), and optionally the mascarpone. Be light on the fatty stuff -- you don't want to lose the taste of the bacon.
3) The chops -- Give the chops a couple whacks to tenderize them and rub them w/ the spice rub.
Bread them (flour -> egg -> bread, make sure you keep one of your hands dry!)
Heat up some olive oil (or butter or both) in a pan and sear them bitches on both sides. Reduce heat, cover. They're cooked when they resist a push from your thumb and the meat inside is all white. Because they're pork.

Serve w/ barbeque sauce (I use Sweet Baby Ray's. I also advise setting the BBQ out ahead of time so it's at room temperature.

Eat with like, 14 glasses of water and at least two helpings of salad.

Recaps and Variouses

Ok, so I've been off the blogowagon for a couple weeks. Why? Because I'm extraordinarily absent-minded.

Accordingly, here's a little brain-vomit:

I'm going to go ahead and echo Andrew on this one -- screw you, Ohio, for keeping that crazy lady's campaign alive. Had Hillary been swept out of the midwest once and for all, Obama could do what any incumbent-hopeful would do -- focus on a campaign going forward for the general election. Not today, Barackadoo, not today. Instead, both senators get to waste a shitload of time and money campaigning against each other for 2 months while John "Dramatic Hamster" McCain sits tight with his terrible opinions and stupid face.

Interjection -- McCain has in the past week garnered endorsements from two of Texas's great cult leaders: John "Crayzee" Hagee and George "Retard" Bush. Now Bush is an easy target and an obvious endorser. Yes, he might be the figurehead for the fall of Constitutional democracy, yes, he might be the herald of a global moral apocalypse, and yes, he might look and act like a confused child...but he has a political obligation to endorse whatever else comes out of the GOP's infected womb, so there it is. John Hagee, on the other hand, is a real piece of shit. Discussions of his piece-of-shit-atude can easily start and end with his profession -- evangelist, crackpot -- but what fun is it if we don't ping Reuters for some quotes? Apparently Hagee "envisions a blood-soaked clash between East and West leading to the return of Jesus Christ." And you know what, with McCain's stubby little finger on the button, it's not bloody unlikely. Except for the second coming of Christ part. That's just silly.

Let's not forget, boys and girls, what happened last time we let Texas cult leaders get too far ahead of themselves.

Ok, so coming back to the top: thanks, Ohio, asshole, for giving Hilldog and The Obaminator (®) two months to dig away at each other and give Stumpy McShitfucker all the quotational fodder he'll need to bury the DNC in mud come November.

Remember 4 years ago when one self-contradicting John Kerry quote got taken out of context and spun into a national ad campaign that sunk him? Flip flops? Bush riding a campaign of "I may be completely unqualified to run the country, but at least you know where I stand"?

We are a nation of short attention spans, fleeting patience, and extremely shallow judgement. God help us if one of the democratic hopefuls drops a soundbite worthy of muckraking -- if either does, the general election will be over before it starts. People in this country are like screaming toddlers -- all they need is one phrase to repeat, one hitch they can grab and run with so they can express themselves loudly and without thought. Republicans understand this, and that is why they keep winning elections. The American populace is really goddamn stupid, so get on their level.

All I can ask, is please, please -- Hill-o-vision, Obaminator (®), please don't say anything stupid in the next 7 weeks, because you will be slaughtered for it, and we will all suffer.