Ok, so I've been off the blogowagon for a couple weeks. Why? Because I'm extraordinarily absent-minded.
Accordingly, here's a little brain-vomit:
I'm going to go ahead and echo Andrew on this one -- screw you, Ohio, for keeping that crazy lady's campaign alive. Had Hillary been swept out of the midwest once and for all, Obama could do what any incumbent-hopeful would do -- focus on a campaign going forward for the general election. Not today, Barackadoo, not today. Instead, both senators get to waste a shitload of time and money campaigning against each other for 2 months while John "Dramatic Hamster" McCain sits tight with his terrible opinions and stupid face.
Interjection -- McCain has in the past week garnered endorsements from two of Texas's great cult leaders: John "Crayzee" Hagee and George "Retard" Bush. Now Bush is an easy target and an obvious endorser. Yes, he might be the figurehead for the fall of Constitutional democracy, yes, he might be the herald of a global moral apocalypse, and yes, he might look and act like a confused child...but he has a political obligation to endorse whatever else comes out of the GOP's infected womb, so there it is. John Hagee, on the other hand, is a real piece of shit. Discussions of his piece-of-shit-atude can easily start and end with his profession -- evangelist, crackpot -- but what fun is it if we don't ping Reuters for some quotes? Apparently Hagee "envisions a blood-soaked clash between East and West leading to the return of Jesus Christ." And you know what, with McCain's stubby little finger on the button, it's not bloody unlikely. Except for the second coming of Christ part. That's just silly.
Let's not forget, boys and girls, what happened last time we let Texas cult leaders get too far ahead of themselves.
Ok, so coming back to the top: thanks, Ohio, asshole, for giving Hilldog and The Obaminator (®) two months to dig away at each other and give Stumpy McShitfucker all the quotational fodder he'll need to bury the DNC in mud come November.
Remember 4 years ago when one self-contradicting John Kerry quote got taken out of context and spun into a national ad campaign that sunk him? Flip flops? Bush riding a campaign of "I may be completely unqualified to run the country, but at least you know where I stand"?
We are a nation of short attention spans, fleeting patience, and extremely shallow judgement. God help us if one of the democratic hopefuls drops a soundbite worthy of muckraking -- if either does, the general election will be over before it starts. People in this country are like screaming toddlers -- all they need is one phrase to repeat, one hitch they can grab and run with so they can express themselves loudly and without thought. Republicans understand this, and that is why they keep winning elections. The American populace is really goddamn stupid, so get on their level.
All I can ask, is please, please -- Hill-o-vision, Obaminator (®), please don't say anything stupid in the next 7 weeks, because you will be slaughtered for it, and we will all suffer.
Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Beep beep! Here comes old crazypants!
So Romney pulled out, all but handing his votes to John McCain...
...which is scary, because McCain will appeal to moderates in big, wishy-washy purple states like, I dunno, Florida. This will be especially true if Obama is nominated, as that gigantic chunk of voters who say experience is ever so important may default to the old kook. Of course the lack of hindsight it takes for any dem to say that experience is a top priority is staggering. After all, we just watched a man get four years of practice presidency and then immediately screw up four more. Bush has been like the Miami Dolphins of politics. Take a 6-10 season, get psyched because you have nowhere to go but up, and then promptly go 1-15.
Sadly, hindsight is hazardous to American politics.
McCain, despite being a psychotic little troll of a man, is kind of friendly-seeming. And kind of electable-seeming. On the other hand, just about the worst thing you can have when you're balls-deep in a politically and economically destructive war is an ex-POW with an anger management problem.
I really don't know how to feel about this one, but I know it makes me nervous. McCain is just the kind of gun-slinging retard that a country full of gun-slinging retards could get behind.
...which is scary, because McCain will appeal to moderates in big, wishy-washy purple states like, I dunno, Florida. This will be especially true if Obama is nominated, as that gigantic chunk of voters who say experience is ever so important may default to the old kook. Of course the lack of hindsight it takes for any dem to say that experience is a top priority is staggering. After all, we just watched a man get four years of practice presidency and then immediately screw up four more. Bush has been like the Miami Dolphins of politics. Take a 6-10 season, get psyched because you have nowhere to go but up, and then promptly go 1-15.
Sadly, hindsight is hazardous to American politics.
McCain, despite being a psychotic little troll of a man, is kind of friendly-seeming. And kind of electable-seeming. On the other hand, just about the worst thing you can have when you're balls-deep in a politically and economically destructive war is an ex-POW with an anger management problem.
I really don't know how to feel about this one, but I know it makes me nervous. McCain is just the kind of gun-slinging retard that a country full of gun-slinging retards could get behind.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
John Edwards doin' it wrong and here's how
In short, I appreciate the championing for the middle class. I really do. Here's why it doesn't work --
1) A speech that's all sob-stories about individual, lame-ass people makes for a lame-ass speaker.
2) Any dem is going to fight for the middle class, the individual, the little guy. It's part of the party agenda. If you make it your main running point against two people declaring eras of "change" it gives the impression that you have nothing original to say.
3) We have a federal government, we have state and local governments, and we have constituents. There is a food chain. Perhaps as the president it would be best to focus on improving state and local governments so they can take care of individuals. If you worry primarily about the individual on the presidential scale, you are applying for the wrong job.
Good guy, good ideas, just the wrong focus for a national leader.
1) A speech that's all sob-stories about individual, lame-ass people makes for a lame-ass speaker.
2) Any dem is going to fight for the middle class, the individual, the little guy. It's part of the party agenda. If you make it your main running point against two people declaring eras of "change" it gives the impression that you have nothing original to say.
3) We have a federal government, we have state and local governments, and we have constituents. There is a food chain. Perhaps as the president it would be best to focus on improving state and local governments so they can take care of individuals. If you worry primarily about the individual on the presidential scale, you are applying for the wrong job.
Good guy, good ideas, just the wrong focus for a national leader.
Romney Update
For some reason, the most interesting part of this year's elections for me is consistent development of a long-forgone conclusion:
Mitt Romney is a complete and total ass.
CNN ran earlier this morning a little bit of a speech he gave contrasting himself favorably with John McCain. It amounted to a 15-second-ish laundry list of disparate votes they each took, each entry of which was like a virtual tick on the checklist of Why Mitt Romney is an Offensively Backwards Chump-ass Fool.
The top 5 that Romney was really proud of, complete with snippy remarks:
1) McCain opposed drilling for oil. (Romney did not!)
* Yes, screw McCain and screw finite resources, too! Drill the shit out of those fossil fuels before they (gasp!) run out forever. Clearly more effective than researching alternatives.
2) McCain opposed tax cuts for the wealthy. (Romeny supported them!)
* Come on, this is America. If the rich, white guy who's never once looked prejudice in the face can't get richer, then who can?!
3) McCain opposed the amendment that would define marriage as a union between a man and a woman. (Can it, Mormon.)
* Welcome to 21st century America, where in addition to socially persecuting you for being gay, we'll make extra-special certain that you get to feel the cold, hard dick of legal injustice, too!
Really, marriage is a joke. It's just as easy to get out of as it is to get into, and its main purpose in current society is a fat tax break. Amending the Constitution to ban homarriage (you heard it here first) is nothing more than bigotry. It's an absolute abuse of the Constitution's dynamics, and just the kind of bullshit moral parading that people in high office should be shamed for doing.
Moving on.
4) McCain supported embryonic stem cell research.
* This one is a little touchier, so I'll be gentle about it. Fuck Romney, fuck Bush, fuck this entire debate. If you can eat eggs, you can harvest precious cells from the unborn, and if you can mass-murder civilians on a political Jihad, then playing god is already fair game. Oh look, no issue anymore!
5) McCain supported amnesty for illegal aliens.
* Ok, so there are fair points to be made from both sides of this one, and I offer the following in bullet-form so as to avoid the stylistic choice of overly verbose diction that has at times in the past become not uncommon for me to use while writing. In no particular order:
- Immigration has vastly different effects from state to state.
- If you can get someone to trim your petunias for $3/hour, go nuts. Same goes for vineyards and vinyl siding.
- Land of promise, my ass.
- Only in this country can denying amnesty for anyone regarding anything be politically beneficial.
- Ok, that's probably a lie, but I still find it pretty abhorrent.
My advice: grant federal amnesty, then let the states decide what to do for themselves. That is why we have a multi-tiered form of government, no?
Oh, that reminds me, John Edwards doin' it wrong, and here's how --
Mitt Romney is a complete and total ass.
CNN ran earlier this morning a little bit of a speech he gave contrasting himself favorably with John McCain. It amounted to a 15-second-ish laundry list of disparate votes they each took, each entry of which was like a virtual tick on the checklist of Why Mitt Romney is an Offensively Backwards Chump-ass Fool.
The top 5 that Romney was really proud of, complete with snippy remarks:
1) McCain opposed drilling for oil. (Romney did not!)
* Yes, screw McCain and screw finite resources, too! Drill the shit out of those fossil fuels before they (gasp!) run out forever. Clearly more effective than researching alternatives.
2) McCain opposed tax cuts for the wealthy. (Romeny supported them!)
* Come on, this is America. If the rich, white guy who's never once looked prejudice in the face can't get richer, then who can?!
3) McCain opposed the amendment that would define marriage as a union between a man and a woman. (Can it, Mormon.)
* Welcome to 21st century America, where in addition to socially persecuting you for being gay, we'll make extra-special certain that you get to feel the cold, hard dick of legal injustice, too!
Really, marriage is a joke. It's just as easy to get out of as it is to get into, and its main purpose in current society is a fat tax break. Amending the Constitution to ban homarriage (you heard it here first) is nothing more than bigotry. It's an absolute abuse of the Constitution's dynamics, and just the kind of bullshit moral parading that people in high office should be shamed for doing.
Moving on.
4) McCain supported embryonic stem cell research.
* This one is a little touchier, so I'll be gentle about it. Fuck Romney, fuck Bush, fuck this entire debate. If you can eat eggs, you can harvest precious cells from the unborn, and if you can mass-murder civilians on a political Jihad, then playing god is already fair game. Oh look, no issue anymore!
5) McCain supported amnesty for illegal aliens.
* Ok, so there are fair points to be made from both sides of this one, and I offer the following in bullet-form so as to avoid the stylistic choice of overly verbose diction that has at times in the past become not uncommon for me to use while writing. In no particular order:
- Immigration has vastly different effects from state to state.
- If you can get someone to trim your petunias for $3/hour, go nuts. Same goes for vineyards and vinyl siding.
- Land of promise, my ass.
- Only in this country can denying amnesty for anyone regarding anything be politically beneficial.
- Ok, that's probably a lie, but I still find it pretty abhorrent.
My advice: grant federal amnesty, then let the states decide what to do for themselves. That is why we have a multi-tiered form of government, no?
Oh, that reminds me, John Edwards doin' it wrong, and here's how --
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Flawless Tactics
Mitt Romney, asshole that he is, is now campaigning to run our fine, disintigrating country.
Sweet!
I'll keep this short.
The man, a chiseled movie-star-looking windbag of a politician, is up against some tall odds. For starters, he's a conservative coming out of deep hibernation in the grungy leftist cave that is Massachusetts. But ah, the man is so publically digestible, he's a publicist's dream: a friendly, smiling, family-man caught in the grips of complete political reinvention. Also, he's a Mormon, although I'm not entirely sure how that will play into all of this, except for liklihood of right-wing-friendly religio-politics. That certainly doesn't present a problem when your campaign base is in...
...South Carolina. So Mitt's in the ol' SC, and I imagine his plunge into right-wing national politics as sort of a supreme-dickwad-vision-quest. In the end I suppose he'll come out looking like a "compassionate conservative" -- not too dumb, not too smart, and the kind of guy you'd like to have a beer with.
There's a reason that a guy you'd like to have a beer with (Governator excluded) should probably not be elected to high office: he's probably drunk.
Anyway, Mitt's in SC, and his reinvention would scream insincerity and horse poo if it were not for the brilliant political reporting of Fox News: "Mitt Romney was in South Carolina campaigning this week for the important Southern vote, blah blah, vapid story, pause; his reason for being in town? A chili cook-off!"
Sounds like the kind of guy you'd like to have a beer with, eh? Damn, chili cook-offs are sweet. What a great parting thought...
...also, his campaign and publicists are stationed right down the street running their famous, annual Bullshit Cook-off.
I swear, if you dug up Joseph Goebbels and jammed his rotting corpse into a particle accelerator or something and set all the dials just right, out would pop Fox News, the many-headed propaganda monster disguised as a friendly news station for thrill-seeking, retard Americans.
Sweet!
I'll keep this short.
The man, a chiseled movie-star-looking windbag of a politician, is up against some tall odds. For starters, he's a conservative coming out of deep hibernation in the grungy leftist cave that is Massachusetts. But ah, the man is so publically digestible, he's a publicist's dream: a friendly, smiling, family-man caught in the grips of complete political reinvention. Also, he's a Mormon, although I'm not entirely sure how that will play into all of this, except for liklihood of right-wing-friendly religio-politics. That certainly doesn't present a problem when your campaign base is in...
...South Carolina. So Mitt's in the ol' SC, and I imagine his plunge into right-wing national politics as sort of a supreme-dickwad-vision-quest. In the end I suppose he'll come out looking like a "compassionate conservative" -- not too dumb, not too smart, and the kind of guy you'd like to have a beer with.
There's a reason that a guy you'd like to have a beer with (Governator excluded) should probably not be elected to high office: he's probably drunk.
Anyway, Mitt's in SC, and his reinvention would scream insincerity and horse poo if it were not for the brilliant political reporting of Fox News: "Mitt Romney was in South Carolina campaigning this week for the important Southern vote, blah blah, vapid story, pause; his reason for being in town? A chili cook-off!"
Sounds like the kind of guy you'd like to have a beer with, eh? Damn, chili cook-offs are sweet. What a great parting thought...
...also, his campaign and publicists are stationed right down the street running their famous, annual Bullshit Cook-off.
I swear, if you dug up Joseph Goebbels and jammed his rotting corpse into a particle accelerator or something and set all the dials just right, out would pop Fox News, the many-headed propaganda monster disguised as a friendly news station for thrill-seeking, retard Americans.
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