Thursday, March 6, 2008

Recaps and Variouses

Ok, so I've been off the blogowagon for a couple weeks. Why? Because I'm extraordinarily absent-minded.

Accordingly, here's a little brain-vomit:

I'm going to go ahead and echo Andrew on this one -- screw you, Ohio, for keeping that crazy lady's campaign alive. Had Hillary been swept out of the midwest once and for all, Obama could do what any incumbent-hopeful would do -- focus on a campaign going forward for the general election. Not today, Barackadoo, not today. Instead, both senators get to waste a shitload of time and money campaigning against each other for 2 months while John "Dramatic Hamster" McCain sits tight with his terrible opinions and stupid face.

Interjection -- McCain has in the past week garnered endorsements from two of Texas's great cult leaders: John "Crayzee" Hagee and George "Retard" Bush. Now Bush is an easy target and an obvious endorser. Yes, he might be the figurehead for the fall of Constitutional democracy, yes, he might be the herald of a global moral apocalypse, and yes, he might look and act like a confused child...but he has a political obligation to endorse whatever else comes out of the GOP's infected womb, so there it is. John Hagee, on the other hand, is a real piece of shit. Discussions of his piece-of-shit-atude can easily start and end with his profession -- evangelist, crackpot -- but what fun is it if we don't ping Reuters for some quotes? Apparently Hagee "envisions a blood-soaked clash between East and West leading to the return of Jesus Christ." And you know what, with McCain's stubby little finger on the button, it's not bloody unlikely. Except for the second coming of Christ part. That's just silly.

Let's not forget, boys and girls, what happened last time we let Texas cult leaders get too far ahead of themselves.

Ok, so coming back to the top: thanks, Ohio, asshole, for giving Hilldog and The Obaminator (®) two months to dig away at each other and give Stumpy McShitfucker all the quotational fodder he'll need to bury the DNC in mud come November.

Remember 4 years ago when one self-contradicting John Kerry quote got taken out of context and spun into a national ad campaign that sunk him? Flip flops? Bush riding a campaign of "I may be completely unqualified to run the country, but at least you know where I stand"?

We are a nation of short attention spans, fleeting patience, and extremely shallow judgement. God help us if one of the democratic hopefuls drops a soundbite worthy of muckraking -- if either does, the general election will be over before it starts. People in this country are like screaming toddlers -- all they need is one phrase to repeat, one hitch they can grab and run with so they can express themselves loudly and without thought. Republicans understand this, and that is why they keep winning elections. The American populace is really goddamn stupid, so get on their level.

All I can ask, is please, please -- Hill-o-vision, Obaminator (®), please don't say anything stupid in the next 7 weeks, because you will be slaughtered for it, and we will all suffer.

1 comment:

Andrew said...

1) Thanks for the shout out
2) "The Obaminator" Nice, might steal that one despite the trademark
3)Hillary already gave McCain the perfect sound bite, "I’ve got a lifetime of experience, Senator McCain has a lifetime of experience. Senator Obama’s whole campaign is about one speech he made in 2002."

So fuck her, seriously. The hopeful side to this is as you said, we're a country of short attention spans. Whatever advantage Mc"Admiral"Cain has in the next 7 weeks will perhaps be a distant memory come November.